Don’t be afraid to ‘manage up’ if your boss is a nightmare
Question
I’ve only been at my current place of work for a relatively short time and already I find my boss’s behaviour unprofessional and unpleasant. There’s micromanaging, deflecting responsibility for problems they cause, unreasonable expectations, pressuring me to change days to help out with tasks I’m not qualified to work on, and work after hours.
I negotiated my contract so I wouldn’t need to work on one day in particular due to an important long-standing commitment. Now I’m being asked to work that day.
I am having anxiety about the job which I’ve never had before in my life. It’s not just me who has a difficult time with the boss – I’m not imagining it. At the same time, I’m super worried about the current job climate and securing another job.
Should I stay or go?
Illustration by John ShakespeareCredit:
Answer
I spoke about your question with Dr Bradley Hastings, an Insights Associate in the University of NSW Business Insights Institute who’s done a lot of research into leadership. He told me that you’re not alone in finding your boss extremely difficult to work with. He cited an American study that suggested well over half of surveyed employees rated their boss as “mildly or highly toxic”.
How do you manage a boss who’s making your life a misery? Dr Hastings says you might want to consider managing up.
“Managing up is a thing, and something that my students often overlook.
“Don’t be afraid to challenge. Bizarrely, toxic leaders tend to value people who stand up to them and challenge them. There are a variety of short courses and books on the topic of difficult conversations; these would be a good place to start learning valuable conversation and negotiation skills.”
But Dr Hastings warns that your challenge shouldn’t turn into an outburst.
“Control your response. It’s great to be passionate but not angry or upset. If you do feel angry, better to remove yourself from the situation and talk to a coach, mentor or friend rather than your boss.”
As for whether you should stay or go, that’s such a tricky question to answer. Dr Hastings suggested one thing to take into consideration is whether what you’re seeing from your boss is typical of the industry or organisation type. If you moved into a similar role within a similar organisation, are you likely to encounter the same thing?
My advice in situations like this, where work life causes constant worry and anxiety, is generally the same: leave – but only if you can. As I’ve said many times before on these pages, it’s very easy to advise someone else to “just quit”, but often extremely difficult to do the quitting.
Not everyone has the luxury of being able to pull up stumps and comfortably, quickly settle into a new work life somewhere else. And, as you say, the economic situation may only make that possibility less likely.
But if there’s any way of getting out and finding a better job, one where the goalposts don’t constantly change, and leaders take responsibility for their own actions, part ways with this awful boss as soon as you can.
Need some Work Therapy? Email your office dilemma, question or celebrity sighting story to jonathan@theinkbureau.com.au
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