Opinion
We’ve got Entertaining Eddie, so where’s his winning personality?
Peter FitzSimons
Columnist and authorAre you ready, Eddie? We certainly hope so.
After a thumping at the hands of the Springboks in Pretoria, and a gutting loss to Los Pumas in Sydney, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you. For, after those first two Tests of your reign, you have not been everything we signed up for.
Yes, we wanted Energetic Eddie, who’d use a cattle prod on everybody and everything, and project a sense that things were going to change around here – and we got that.
And we wanted the Eddie Jones who’d make everyone lean forward every time the cameras were on you – and we certainly got that, too. You’ve been nothing if not entertaining.
But what we mostly wanted was Winning Eddie, the one who first got the Brumbies to win the Super Rugby title; who masterminded Japan beating the Springboks at the 2015 World Cup; who took over England after that and won his first 18 Tests with them!
Where is that guy?
Eddie Jones’ second stint as Wallabies coach has not started well.Credit: Getty
Your talk remains strong, just witness the wonderful line after the Wallabies had been done down by Argentina, that “the All Blacks better watch out”. Who says that kind of thing after a humiliation? Eddie does, it has been ever thus, and it has mostly worked for him.
You never back down, or talk it down. You turn up, back up, talk it up.
And he has been so successful in doing so, that everyone – including powerful opponents – are at least half-expecting magic to occur. I cite the words of All Blacks centre Anton Lienert-Brown to this masthead on Monday, as a case in point.
“When they play us,” Lienert-Brown said, “they go up another level and I guess with Eddie Jones at the helm now, he will definitely have a few tricks up his sleeve.”
Anton Lienert-Brown during last month’s Super Rugby semi.Credit: Getty
Exactly!
The only question is, what tricks, exactly? So far, Eddie is the magician who has indeed pulled two rabbits out of the hat but, sadly, they both brought to mind the Monty Python “Dead Parrot” skit: “E’s passed on! He has ceased to be! E’s expired and gone to meet ’is maker! E’s a stiff! Bereft of life. He rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed him to the perch, e’d be pushing up the daisies!
“His metabolic processes are now ’istory! E’s off the twig! E’s kicked the bucket. E’s shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!”
How do we get a live rabbit in Melbourne on Saturday night? I think I have it.
Let’s play Bazball!
Let’s play the kind of rugby with the same spirit that Brendon McCullum has pioneered first with the New Zealand cricket team, and then as coach of England. As you know, the essence of Bazball, is to go so all out in attack that you shake your opponents to the point of devastated discombobulation. Every time they look up, there is someone attacking, chancing their arm, coming at them from unexpected angles, doing what has not been done before. In cricket, it has been going for boundaries most of the time, fiddling with the usual batting order, declaring when least expected, and bowling bouncers until their noses bleed.
In rugby, it would be picking players who are as quick as they are quixotic, who don’t play as if programmed, who may not know what they are about to do until they do it, and are as likely to do a cutout pass as they are to chip and chase. Most importantly, they don’t just feel empowered to do so, it is expected!
But, yes, the smarties will note: won’t the All Blacks run riot if we so weight the attacking game?
Maybe. But they mostly run riot anyway! And here’s the thing. The essence of Bazball in cricket is that when your attacking game is overwhelming, your opponents get so rattled, their own attack falls away.
Brendon McCullum (right) with Ben Stokes at Lord’s.Credit: Getty
And look, if we devote everything to miraculously being ahead in the first part of the match, we can then pray for rain on the fourth and fifth day to wipe out the whole match, and quit while we are ahead! And if the rain doesn’t come, contrive to get the sprinklers blasting on full, without capacity to turn them off!
More seriously?
More seriously, if we don’t go the full Bazball, we can at least invoke some of the spirit of it. Even to my untutored eyes, two things are obvious: Eddie Jones’ domineering personality has so dominated the Wallabies that there is a tentative quality to their play where their first thought is not, “What should I do?” but first and foremost, “What does Eddie want me to do?”
Technically, I have no clue on modern rugby. Even when I played, I had little clue on technical matters. But surely some of the eternal verities still apply. The key balance in all successful teams is a strong coach, with a strong captain as counter. This doesn’t mean they need to clash. It does mean that ideas are tested, and the captain has sufficient weight that he can make instant decisions on the field.
Right now, Eddie has appointed as co-captains Michael Hooper and James Slipper, both fine men and great players. But are they ones with the true wherewithal to stand up to Eddie, to provide the counterweight needed, to say, “We are not going to return to our usual programming, but instead break out!”?
I’d be surprised. We could do worse than get Ben Stokes himself, a very handy footballer back in the day, into the back row. And try Mark Wood out on the wing, hoping he can generate the same sort of speed there as he does with the ball in hand. They’re Englishmen, but this is Bazball, remember? Anything goes!
Something, anything. But not what we have seen in the first two Tests.
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