Opinion
With apologies to Julia, you lot can tell your story walking
Peter FitzSimons
Columnist and authorA reader, Grant Agnew, put it to me well: “All the harrumphing and so on from certain whingeing Poms about how Bairstow lost his wicket needs to be answered by channelling Julia Gillard’s attack on Tony Abbott: ‘We will not be lectured on the spirit of cricket by that country which invented bodyline. We will not’.”
Exactly. The aftermath of the Jonny Bairstow stumping has exposed just how hypocritical it was for the English, of all people, to be claiming the moral high ground in the whole wretched saga.
Julia Gillard may have some advice on how to deal with the English.Credit: Andrew Meares
For all that, as I said in my own initial piece, I remained uneasy about cricket’s answer to The Dismissal and wish that Bairstow had been warned first. And at least 12 per cent of my fellow Australians agreed that the manner of the dismissal did not sit well with them. They included, for the record, Jim Maxwell, Merv Hughes and Brad Hogg. Another was a Herald reader with the sobriquet of Concerned Citizen, who left a comment on my piece that included this passage addressed to those who say rules are rules and that is all that matters:
“Since everyone becomes such a stickler for the rules when these situations arise, it is clear that there is only one part of the rules that need review – the preamble: ‘Cricket owes much of its appeal and enjoyment to the fact that it should be played not only according to the Laws, but also within the Spirit of the Game.’
Illustration: John ShakespeareCredit:
“If nobody is interested in playing in the Spirit of the Game, or if it is no longer consistent with the professional era, then it may as well be scrapped.”
Your thoughts? It is a fair point, yes? If the whole idea of the “spirit of the game” is now a demonstrable nonsense, should it be got rid of? Or would it be better to keep it as a cherished ideal and try to return to it? Discuss.
Survival test for playing the long game
Of course, the absorbing nature of this Ashes series highlights just how fabulous Test cricket can be as sporting theatre. You think so. I think so. Most of England and Australia thinks so. But it changes nowt the theme that TFF has been banging on about for some time: how T20 is killing it off regardless.
Why was there only three days between the second and third Tests? Because that’s the only way to squeeze the series into the small timeframe between their T20 commitments, most of them in India with the IPL. Yes, as the New York Times notes this week, a sporting competition that pre-dates the establishment of one of the countries that plays it is rare – and it is that history which helps make it so special. But outside of Australia, England and India, Test cricket really is just about dead.
Mitch Marsh’s swashbuckling century gave the Aussie fans something to cheer about at Headingley on day one of the third Ashes Test.Credit: Getty Images
“South Africa,” the newspaper observes, “will not play a Test series of more than two matches until 2026. The West Indies will only play one in the next four years.” In the latter case, that is probably a mercy, given they also will miss this year’s ODI World Cup after losing to Zimbabwe, Netherlands and Scotland in qualifiers.
Champion Horn a fading memory
Look, I obviously take not a scintilla of pleasure in being proved right on this particularly sensitive issue, but it is important that it be highlighted.
Five years ago, when the boxer Jeff Horn was front and back page of every paper in the country celebrating his latest victory, I cried foul and ranted:
“While I used to adore boxing and publicly celebrated it as the ultimate test of courage, skill, and will to win against all odds, providing the most compelling spectacle of all sports, I now recognise it for what it is: a barbaric sport where the ultimate aim of the game is to hit your opponent so hard in the head, so often, you will batter him into unconsciousness, don’t mind the brain damage.
Terrance Crawford lands a blow on Jeff Horn in Las Vegas.Credit: AP
“Do you boxing supporters get that? This bloke Horn, a former primary school teacher and now happy family man, was repeatedly hit so hard in the head on the weekend that the short and long-term health of his brain was placed at risk – and yet you still want him to go on with it.
“You still love that spectacle, and don’t care about the damage done?
“And just where will you be one or two decades from now, when the carnival is long over for them, and it is they and their families who must carry the consequences? You’ll still be at the carnival, as the next generation batters each other’s brains? If so, I am hoping it will be in a much smaller tent as people continue to turn away.”
This week, we have the first signs of the denouement, with Horn giving reasons on why he was not going to take $1 million for the next fight.
“I’ve had some issues with my memory,” he told the Daily Telegraph. “I can’t remember things that someone my age should retain. There is no training you can do to make my brain better. Once it’s damaged, there’s no going back …”
He is 35.
But enough about that, and let’s not talk about other past champions like Jeff Harding and Spike Cheney and their struggles these days, either. That would be much too troubling. Let’s go on about Tim Tszyu, and encourage him to get endlessly hit in the head while doing the same to others? Great sport, yes?
What they said
Veteran England bowler Stuart Broad to Alex Carey after the Australian keeper had taken Jonny Bairstow’s wicket in controversial circumstances: “That’s all you’ll be remembered for.”
Stuart Broad makes a point to Alex Carey in the aftermath of The Dismissal.Credit: Getty
Former Australian spinner Brad Hogg was one to side with the Poms, tweeting: “Not Out. Spirit of cricket pushed to the boundary. Not attempting a run, end of over, scratched crease then walked for the regulation BS chat between overs between batsman.”
Former England captain Mike Atherton: “England have nothing to complain about, it was a dozy bit of cricket from Jonny Bairstow.”
Jonathan Agnew writing for the BBC: “Others will disagree with me, some of my Test Match Special colleagues do, but that is why I would have liked to have seen Australia give Bairstow a warning before going through with that kind of dismissal.” From the other side of the world, I completely agreed with him, and had already said so.
Pat Cummins: “I’m really proud of the way our boys have conducted themselves this tour, especially on that day five [at Lord’s]. I thought the way they maintained respect for the opposition, the umpires, the crowd, their dignity was first class.” And so say all of us.
Andrew Webster in these pages: “The MCC took control of the laws of cricket in 1788, the same year England dispatched its criminals to Botany Bay, blindly unaware that at some stage we would return via business class to show it how to play its own game.”
Allan Border on being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and coming to grips with his own mortality, and the fact that his own doctor says it’ll be a miracle if he gets to 80: “No way am I going to get another 100, that’s for sure. I’ll just slip slowly into the west.”
Jeff Horn on why he is not going to take a million-dollar purse for another fight: “I’ve had a couple of tests over the years and they said they had some concerns that if I kept going, there would be more worries for me, so that made it a no-brainer to retire.”
Port Adelaide’s Dan Houston with a goal after the siren to keep Port Adelaide’s winning streak going: “I put my boot through. Trent McKenzie told me if I missed it he still loved me, which meant a bit.”
The badly hobbling Nathan Lyon, on waiting in the Long Room to go out to bat: “I would have been timed out. The lifts here are pretty slow, so I had to go down the stairs. It was interesting being in the Long Room rather than the pavilion waiting to bat. It was like being in the zoo.” That much soon became obvious to all of us!
PM Anthony Albanese: “And I do think Souths should be playing at the new taxpayer-funded stadium [Allianz Stadium at Moore Park]. That would be a good thing.”
Jason Belmonte gets ready to roll.Credit: Getty
PBA Commissioner Tom Clark on Australian two-handed tenpin bowler Jason Belmonte: “He’s exactly like Tiger Woods. The domination, the difference, the electricity, the controversy. People don’t like him because he’s too humble, or because he’s from Australia, or they think he’s arrogant because he’s better looking than they are, or something. They’ve got a million reasons why.”
Rampaging Roy Slaven on Bludging on the Blindside: “The Dragons are so bad they’re ASPIRING to be a basket case ...”
Heather AndersonCredit: Getty
Professor Michael Buckland, founder of the Australian Sports Brain Bank, on the late Adelaide Crows AFLW premiership player Heather Anderson becoming the world’s first female athlete to be diagnosed with the degenerative brain disease chronic traumatic encephalopathy: “I’ve had this sort of growing sense of alarm ever since I started [researching CTE]. It’s like ‘holy crap, how big is this problem?’ We have no idea.”
Tweet of the week
@NatMartin30: “Honestly, just f---g Mankad Stuart Broad at Headingley and let’s become a republic. Go all in.” Works for me.
Team of the week
Mitchell Marsh. “On holidays” in England just a few days ago, he is now the first Australian to score a century in a session in an Ashes Test in England since Stan McCabe in 1938!
Ben Stokes. Scored a thunderous 155 runs in the English second innings at Lord’s to get his mob within cooee of a seemingly impossible victory – but, sadly, that has all been forgotten because of cricket’s answer to The Dismissal.
Australia’s Usman Khawaja has a quiet word to members inside the Long Room.Credit: Nine
Usman Khawaja. In the whole sorry saga, our bloke’s sheer class shone through. In the face of the jeering, sneering buffoons in the Long Room, Khawaja calmly but resolutely called them out, and three members were subsequently suspended.
Adelaide Thunderbirds/NSW Swifts. Contesting the Super Netball grand final on Saturday night!
Canberra Raiders. Started the round in fifth spot on the NRL ladder despite a points difference of -65. A few big losses early have been followed by a series of great narrow wins.
Wallabies. Take on South Africa in Pretoria on Sunday morning, when we will get a look at whether or not Eddie Jones has wrought miracles.
RIP Andy Conway, 1939-2023. The famed and beloved manager of the Sydney team in 1984, before having managerial stints with the Wallabies under Alan Jones and Bob Dwyer, passed away last Sunday. A lovely bloke, the core of him was made up of love for family, rugby and rugby people. The Herald sends its deepest condolences to his wife Jan, and extended family.
Twitter: @Peter_Fitz
Watch every ball of the 2023 Ashes series live and exclusive on Channel 9 and 9Now.
Sports news, results and expert commentary. Sign up for our Sport newsletter.